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I want to share with you stories that I have heard over and over again while working with families facing end of life issues or actually trying to close an estate. The story changes somewhat from each individual's experience who shares it, but the circumstances or gist of the story is almost always the same.
Here are a few of the stories:
...Dad would never talk to Mom or us kids about his finances. He paid all the bills, took care of the insurance, handled the investments and would tell us all it wasn't any of our business. Now he is gone and Mom doesn't have a clue where to begin. His death was so unexpected and Mom is grief-ridden. Trying to figure this all out has greatly compounded the stress for everyone. We thought we had more time and he would come around, but now we are faced with a tremendous burden. I wish we had been more persistent.
...I just never pushed my husband to sit down with me to go over all the finances and investments we had. I didn't understand how to do it and the terms they used confused me, so I just left it with him to manage. I don't know where to begin to look for all the information. He had investments prior to our marriage and some that he inherited when his parents died. What do I do?
...My second husband and I have always kept our finances separate. He took care of his things and I took care of mine. He paid for certain household expenses and I paid for others. I didn't even know what life insurance policies he had. Come to find out, he never changed his beneficiaries on his life insurance and now, after 14 years of marriage, his first wife will be receiving his life insurance. They were only married 6 years! I wish I had paid more attention.
...Grandpa has always been a very proud man! After retirement, he spends a lot of time in his home office wheeling and dealing with people from his past. Only the good Lord knows what kind of deals he has been involved with! He locks everything up in his safe, investments, insurance, cash, deeds, banking info, etc. so no one's “snooping eyes” can see what he is up to or what he has. When asked, he just says, “it's all taken care of.” “Nothing for you to worry about!” He will not tell anyone the combination to his safe. How can we convince him this is important for at least one of us to know?
Many of you have probably encountered or heard of similar situations. If you fit into one of these scenarios now, do something about it before you are faced with the same outcomes. Sitting down and explaining to a parent, grandparent, spouse or loved one the importance of having this information shared and/or written down, will take an immense burden off you and/or your loved ones when the time comes. It may take several conversations and different approaches to get through to someone. Don't give up so easily if they refuse to share after the first conversation.
In a compassionate way, be persistent in explaining how the lack of sharing of this information will create a tremendous burden for the people they love the most. Utilizing the binder, When The Time Comes, gives a person the foundation for writing down the information their loved ones will need. If they do not want to share the information face to face with someone at this time, they will at least have the information written down to share at the appropriate time. Make sure they tell someone where the binder is located!